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Then understand it is not a matter of deserving.

Understand, moreover, that it is not a matter that can be done with only one person -

Understand that nothing you do will stop me.

. . . If you intend to stop me, then I'm afraid this is where we must part.

Edited 2018-12-21 09:28 (UTC)

[ it's weird how deeply she winces as he says that. like, as a gesture it's pretty uncharacteristic, but the tightness in her chest is strange to her too, like she's been physically harmed -

her hand slackens a bit, but she does pull on him one more time. ]

... Why?

[ he holds onto her hand a little tighter, speaking softer, but he doesn't sit. ]

. . . . This is something I have to do.

... Could you sit back down...?

[

sits. ]

[ just

climbs into his lap, still holding onto his hand

and stays quiet for a while, head down against his shoulder ]

[ well

ok

i guess this is just what we're doing now

he takes a little while to stay completely still, and then moves his free hand to pat her back ]

[ that's nice

she's gonna start crying ]

[ cool

this is fine

i am fine with the current events that are unfolding ]

[ there is - so much that she wants to say to him, honestly, she wants to logic this out. in her mind, it's logical: this is way too much burden for someone who'd rather be killed than be rejected by the man he loves, way too much hatred for him to shoulder, especially when he's done nothing to earn it. but it's something she could handle with no issue - she's experienced this already, as a human, she thinks, but even if she hadn't she isn't one. she could handle it. even as it runs counter to her pacifism, she would crush and subjugate the whole of this city to keep his hands clean, to keep everyone else safe. no one else would need to hurt each other again, so long as she did it for them, but she can't get it out, and he won't let her take the reins away.

so there's only the idea that should've been her first thought, in the first place. to keep the peace, and protect everyone - even if that means tightening the leash on her familiar, even if that means leaving her lover behind, that's her responsibility. now that she knows, she owes it to everyone living here to stop him if he's going to do this, every time - but she can't get it out, and even trying has her feel like her heart's being squeezed.

so instead, she just cries, frustrated, for a good, long while - until her tears run dry; her voice is hoarse, barely above a whisper, ]

... I love you.

[ he stays with her, patting her back quietly - not so comfortingly given the circumstances but seeking to comfort her anyway - until she speaks again. a bitterness wells in his throat, his nose pinching as he bites down on his own tongue. upsetting dia-sama, to this extent - it's unfortunate. it's unfortunate, but if she won't understand him, then it's necessary. it's always been like this, hasn't it - perhaps it's just because she's a witch, a higher being, but has she ever understood him? ]

I know.

[ he murmurs, softly - she loves him, but does not understand him. he knows that. ]

I love you, too.

I mean - that I...

[ this really is a situation, isn't it. even though she knows what she needs to do, what she's supposed to be doing - the one time she could actually be of use to everyone, she can't do it.

it wasn't even the first thing that came to mind. even with her first thought, she wasn't really thinking of everyone else, was she? what's the point of being fixed if it breaks three more things? she's -

the worst, honestly. ]

... Could you spend the night here?

[ but maybe with a little more time. if she just buys some time to think about it, she can set this right. everything can still be okay. ]

. . . Is that alright?

[ dia isn't exactly the sort of person to straight up murder a person (this is perhaps actually the problem here) but somehow his thoughts go there anyway. it's tough

but more than that, he wonders if this is a good time to make some closure. for her to reach some level of peace, with this relationship ]

None of my clothes would fit you, but if you're okay with it - if it's fine with you, then -

[ it shouldn't be so hard to say it but her emotions are running so high and she's feeling so strange - even though it's not a want she's ever had trouble expressing before, it feels so different now?

there's a conspicuous amount of color in her face this time, certainly not from the cold, but possibly from the workout she got crying. ]

I want you to be here with me.

. . . Well.

I don't mind it. I spend the night with Whisky-san, sometimes -

Ah, will it be alright for your unitmates?

[ it's honestly a little amazing how quickly her expression brightens; even if she doesn't really mean to she beams up at him, heart lighter for it

even as she kicks herself for it, inwardly, curses herself for her sloth. but -

it's okay. it's okay. she can make a decision tomorrow. if he's fine with it, then she has time. ]

Req will be awake even when everyone else is sleeping, but I think it'll be fine as long as we're quiet...